don't worry, i'm not officially dead.........

i know i haven't done anything in like the past month... whatever, i've been busy... i've been extremely low on energy lately, like i'm not excited about it being the last term of my senior year.  which sux cuz i mean, i should seriously be enjoying it! i think it's just me being lazy..........

college decisions are driving me insane.  i'm still waiting for berkeley and everytime dad asks me to check the stupid site, looking @ the same message just makes me more anxious.  i really don't know what i'm going to do about it.  there's a very specific reason i'm not telling anybody about what i'm leaning towards, cuz i feel more pressure this way.  p.s. don't follow my example.  i'm what NOT to do........

spring break is coming up -- i'm going to be visiting colleges.  but it also means i'm going to l.a. to spend time w/ my fave cousins!!!!!!  i'm also going to have a major buttload of work to do over the break, so it won't really feel like a vacation, i suppose.  y'know, this time last year, i was getting ready to go to england..... that felt nice.....

just took an ap world test that is a total toss in the air.  on the one hand, i THOUGHT i'd do okay.  then afterwards, when we were all talking about it..... hmm.... we'll see i guess.

also just asked some random guy who's not really so random to prom.  dunno why i keep saying that.  but it's true.  maybe it's just cuz i really wanna go to my senior prom (even if it turns out to be a dud).  whatever.

*sigh* mondays..............................

luv, na

p.s. wicked is coming to l.a. and s.f. this summer!!!!! i really hope i can go see it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

ok... taking things one step @ a time.

time for a confession.  this may or may not make sense to you, so whatever.  just go with it.  i've been in horrible moods lately (and i know many can testify to that).  it's just that i'm having major issues with blame.  i tend to blame my problems on other people, on other things, etc.  i know its really me, just  wasting energy in order to hate things. (haha! philosophy class!)  because it's easier than actually dealing with my issues.  it's unfair to other people around me, who probably are sick of being around me when i'm like this.  i know i hate being around me when i'm like this.  it's really selfish.  no, this is not me being self-depricating; it's me being realistic. 

so, in the end, i'm sorry for being randomly pissed off @ you.  you people may not even realize who you are, or that i was pissed @ you.  in that case, great.  saves me some time.  but to those that did notice: sorry guys.  i can be a jerk.

it's not you... it's me.

oh, and another thing i hate: that stupid paranoid feeling that everyone knows something you don't and they just talk over your head.  but it's so obvious what they're talking about, yet they won't come out and actually say it.  because you're not one of the "priveleged few".  it makes me feel horrible and it's mostly because it's all in my super hyper active imagination.  it's dumb, i know, but i just had to say it.

well, i'd say that's sufficient crap for today.   

i'm am majorly ready to rip everything apart, tear up all of my stupid ass apps, not do any of my homework, and just say to hell with my papers.  i just feel sick of everything right now (and literally too - whatever i had is apparently still with me).  i can't talk to anyone anymore because whatever i say is going to come out wrong and i'll end up pissed off anyways.  i'm sick of hearing everyone whining and complaining because somehow it never makes me feel any better when i do it -- that just means i put up with everyone else's shit.  i feel like everybody including my own family is turning on me.  and to everybody that wants something from me right now: just BACK OFF for a sec.  i feel like everything's crashing down at one time.  i feel like i can't be this way because i'm not supposed to.  and i feel like shit cuz i feel this way right now.

yeah, i've had a bad week.  but that doesn't matter right now.  i have things to do.  i have apps to complete and papers to turn in.  i have friends with problems to talk to.  i have a life to live.

have a good day, everyone.

hey everyone: happy 2005!!! this is the year for big changes!!! i mean, i'm going to college! (right??)  it's gonna be CRAZY... one thing @ a time...

college apps... must not panic.....

ok, who saw lost last night??? sawyer's really hot...  charlie's adorable... and sayid and shannon need to hook up (it was sooo sweet) ok, enough of that...

speaking of hot guys: kris's boyfriend jon (on the amazing race) looks REALLY good in a speedo.  thank you bruckheimer for classy reality tv (minus jonathan & victoria, of course).

mock trial competition next week... that's going to be INTERESTING......... granted we don't really know what we're doing.. hehehehe............

hmm... back to homework then... byebye ~wil

HAPPY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

how's everyone's holidays so far?? i had christmas dinner last night.  trac and i actually succeeded on making dessert!!! after an INTERESTING episode on the radio (for the full account, she has it on her site), we produced three decent and presentable pies... and they actually tasted good too... if you can't already tell: this is a really big accomplishment for me, considering i'm such a klutz...

i can't believe graduation is only 5 months away...boohoo... it's crazy... which reminds me, i'm supposed to be working on my apps during break... oops.. anyways...

hope everyone is enjoying their presents!!! (and the important things too...)

~na